Narcissism III
Depression is anger turned inward
Warning: Strong language below:
If you haven’t read the articles that have been posted so far, please do have a look. The links are below:
We begin this article with the quote from Sapphire the Author
“Depression is anger turned inward”
And we morph into a session from The Sopranos with Lorraine Bracco as Dr. Jennifer Melfi in a session with James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano where they discuss the “Soprano temper”.
Mentioned here is a slight variation of Sapphire the Author’s quote:
“Depression is rage turned inward”
Without giving too much away if you haven’t seen The Sopranos, what they’re getting to is the main reason Tony Soprano is in therapy about his anger issues:
His narcissistic mother, Livia Soprano -brilliantly played by the late Nancy Marchand.
The point here is the knock on effect. Narcissism has victims. And victims are scarred. And those scars may never heal.
I know a lot of people that have been hurt in one way or another by a narcissist. I’m one. And we’re not talking about someone being mean to them, someone getting angry or even getting into a physical fight with someone else.
We’re talking about cruelty.
Because when I got both barrels from a point blank experience with a narcissist, a malignant narcissist, this is the word that I used to describe their behavior.
Cruelty.
Merriam-Webster defines the word cruel as such:
1) disposed to inflict pain or suffering : devoid of humane feelings a cruel tyrant has a cruel heart
2) a: causing or conducive to injury, grief, or pain a cruel joke a cruel twist of fate
b: unrelieved by leniency cruel punishment
I can tell you from my experience that all of that applies. Pain. Suffering. Injury. Grief.
Those are the scars that a narcissist inflicts on their victims.
And it’s unrelenting until there’s some form of separation.
Permanent separation.
In my case, the person I worked for who did it to me retired. Until that point, that person still tried to do as much damage to me as they could, but I withstood that and stood right back up to them and wouldn’t back down at all.
Once I got my courage, there was no turning back.
But prior to that, I had to learn to fight back with every ounce of nerve and integrity that I could muster to withstand the onslaught.
I’ll tell you this: every single victim of a narcissist has had someone either say directly or give them “the look” that they need to “GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.”
Read this twice, three times, or however many it takes to fully understand:
If you can’t understand how much damage is done to anyone by a narcissist, then you haven’t been on the receiving end of what a narcissist can do. And you honestly cannot really understand what that person has gone through and may still be undergoing.
I’ll put those two quotes here again:
“Depression is anger turned inward”
“Depression is rage turned inward”
Anyone who downplays, belittles, or scoffs at what someone might be holding inside or is feeling after being abused by a narcissist, simply just doesn’t understand.
I mentioned in Wrap up for the Week #2:
Why this is so important to me and why I will absolutely continue to hammer this? Because of the psychological damage it can cause.
We all should now be acutely aware of how devastating psychological damage can do to people after what’s been done to virtually everyone over the last two years and this is part of the monster.
I am absolutely on a crusade to expose how narcissists do harm and how people are affected by the cruelty that narcissists can inflict.
I am even more dedicated to showing what people can do to thwart them and fight back.
So here we are; understanding that what narcissists can and will do to people is step #1:
Narcissists want to inflict all kinds of pain, suffering, humiliation, and cause as much damage as they can to their victims. They are merciless, unyielding, and yes, cruel because they are out to absolutely devastate and destroy their targets.
This can be in the form of passive-aggressiveness, physicality, mental torture (think gaslighting a term we’re all now more that familiar with) and all sorts of deviant behavior to crush people.
They. Aren’t. Playing.
From my experience as a victim I haven’t gotten over what was done to me and I probably never will.
Like any other traumatic experience we go through in life, you have to learn to live with it.
But that is actually downplaying the damage because I know many others whos daily lives and relationships no matter how great they might be in the present, still have a thousand pound piano hanging over their heads.
This doesn’t mean they mope around wanting everyone to feel sorry for them. No, it’s the exact opposite.
They want the doom to go away.
“Depression is anger turned inward”
“Depression is rage turned inward”
So the next time you find out someone has been damaged by a narcissist try to understand that their trust in others is very likely permanently scarred in such away that being cautious doesn’t even come close to what they likely are feeling inside.
Next we’ll look for signs of narcissism and how to deal with it.
More to follow…
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Thank you for this. I was married to one for 14 years. It’s been 26 years and I’m still not over what he did to me.
Well said.